Polishing & Updating Your Look for Life in the US

I've shared this with former co-workers in another forum and realized that it would be a good follow-up on my previous post. My aforementioned friends dubbed these as "Kikay Tips." Some items I've mentioned before, but do belong in this blog as a stand-alone post.

Pick up what you find useful and keep living your fabulous life!

1. Eyebrows: undefined, unruly or sparse to nonexistent eyebrows have an aging, “frump-ifying” (losyang) effect. Well-groomed, defined and aptly shaped eyebrows go far in achieving a finished, polished look. Both over-plucked, too-thin brows and wild-looking, bushy brows do not look good.

Shape and groom eyebrows regularly.

• If you have never done this before, have a knowledgeable friend or a professional pluck or wax your brows into shape for you initially, then learn how to do it yourself.
• Most flattering eyebrow shape will depend on the shape of your face (see www.eyebrowz.com for illustrations and tips)
• For sparse eyebrows, apply eyebrow powder or cream with a brow brush in short, feathery strokes, following the desired curve of the shape most flattering to you. You could also use an eyebrow pencil and brush to do this.
• If you are unsure of yourself, use a brow stencil as a guide while plucking and/or grooming or when filling in the brow with pencil or powder.
• With a small, narrow eye shadow brush, draw a slim band of white or very light highlighter right under your eyebrows to “wake up” your eyes and help reduce the look of sagging eyelids.

2. Eye area. The challenges of life can weigh us down through the years. We don’t notice when our eyes start looking tired and old. Just a little more attention to the eye area does wonders.

Enhance the natural beauty of your eyes. One of the most effective measures a woman can take to look great is to pay attention to the eye area.

• Simply doing your brows, curling your eyelashes, putting on eyeliner and patting concealer under your eyes will change your look instantly.
• Audrey Hepburn is a good example of well-groomed, natural-looking brows and simple but effective eye make-up.
• Handle with care. Use gentle strokes and patting motions when applying make-up to the fragile skin around the eyes as well as removing make-up from it. Use eye cream with sunscreen everyday.

3. Outdated skincare practices

• Many women are stuck in the skincare regimen of their 20s. Skin changes through time and so should your care of it. As we age, our skin loses elasticity and color. We simply need to adjust to these changes.

• Skincare technology has also developed well beyond our mothers’ jars of Pond’s Cold Cream.

• For women in their 40s and 50s, there are now a plethora of anti-aging lotions and products on the market specially formulated to address the needs of aging skin. It’s time to move on!

• Avoid using soap on your face. It leaves a residue that adds to the dullness. There are cleansers and wipes specifically formulated for the face.

• Protect your skin from the sun. Sunlight early in the day is good for the health. But too much sun especially between the hours of 10 am and 3 pm is the top skin aging agent. Never allow your skin to get sunburned! Use sunscreen and other kinds of protection (sunglasses, hats, etc.) when you know you will be exposed for any length of time. UV-A and UV-B (ultraviolet) rays promote wrinkling and brown spots.

• Cut down on sugar intake. Eating too many sugary desserts, snacks, etc. is not only bad for your health, it also causes premature wrinkling (See Perricone, Nicholas, MD. The Wrinkle Cure). While you’re at it, try to cut down on softdrinks, a.k.a. soda or pop and even sports drinks that contain high fructose corn syrup. Bad news for people with a family history of diabetes.

• Do your kids a favor: protect their skin from the sun the same way, to prevent skin cancer in the future. Your daughters, especially, will thank you for it.

• Before going to bed each evening, CLEANSE, EXFOLIATE & MOISTURIZE. Youthful skin looks dewy and luminous. Through time, dead skin cells accumulate on the surface of your face, producing a dull, washed out look, accentuating the look of fine lines and wrinkles.

• Exfoliating gets rid of the top layer of dead cells, exposing the fresher, younger looking skin underneath. (Just avoid the eye area which needs much gentler handling and greater moisturizing).

• Anti-aging specialists and dermatologists (such as Drs. Denese and Perricone) recommend the following:

1. Clean your face every night with cleansing wipes containing exfoliating glycolic acid and moisturizing dimethicone (i.e. Pond’s Dramatic Results anti-aging towelettes or Olay Regenerist cleansing wipes. Find the kind that works best for you). AHA facial cleansers and other fruit acid cleansers applied with clean cotton balls or pads work, too. Do not rinse off.
2. If you haven’t exfoliated before, you could start with an exfoliating scrub (cleansing lotion with tiny beads to help slough off dead skin cells). Or use a homemade mixture of plain oatmeal and plain yogurt or milk. Spread on your face, let sit for a minute or two, then scrub into your skin and rinse off thoroughly.
3. Once in a while, with your wet toothbrush, gently exfoliate your lips, too. Apply lip balm immediately afterwards. Don’t do this to cracked lips. Treat with medicated lip balm first until healed.
4. Afterwards, moisten a cotton ball with toner and remove all remaining traces of dirt and make-up from your face.
5. Then immediately moisturize with an anti-aging serum and/or lotion to seal in the moisture you have just introduced to your skin. Again, try out products until you find the one that works best for you. Dimethicone should be one of the first 3 on its ingredient list. AHAs and glycolic acid and sunscreen (usually SPF 15) are helpful, too.
6. 3-minute Rule: moisturize within 3 minutes of cleansing your skin to lock in the moisture. Make-up goes on better when skin is moist but not too wet.

• In the morning, before putting on make-up, simply rinse your face with tepid water (avoid extremes of temperature), pat dry and moisturize with a facial lotion containing sunscreen. Allow skin to absorb the moisturizer for a minute or two (or blot with tissue ---see complete make-up process file) before applying make-up.

4. Foundation. Not using any at all or using the wrong shade also has an aging effect.

• After age 30, the right kind of foundation for you becomes a grooming necessity. It helps reduce the appearance of uneven skin tone, age spots and other blemishes.
• Trying to whiten or lighten one’s complexion by using foundation that’s lighter than your natural coloring is not only outdated, it is the single biggest culprit for the “overly made-up” look many women hate to be accused of.
• The right color will look natural and virtually invisible. At the same time, it evens out your skin tone and creates a clean canvas for the rest of your make-up. You will look awesome!
• Unfortunately, many Filipinas still subscribe to the mistaken notion that white is beautiful. FALSE! The result of too light foundation is ashen, sickly-looking skin (real color showing through a whitish layer) that looks even more ghastly in photographs.
• TRUTH: Beauty comes in all colors and shades! What about Halle Berry, Jessica Alba, Vanessa Williams and Beyoncé? Are they ugly because they’re not as white as the driven snow? Of course not! As Cedric the Entertainer once so entertainingly intoned: “Never underestimate the power of the dark chocolate man!” (Or, might I add, the dark chocolate, mocha or kayumanggi woman). ;-)
• It’s time to throw out those downright wrong, disempowering, misbegotten ideas of beauty (and the matching prejudices often against our own people) that former colonizers imposed on us to put us down and keep us in their thrall. Sa totoo lang, we are some of the most beautiful people in the world! I have nieces here in the US who are so beautifully complected that the boys go gaga over them. It breaks my heart, though, to still hear them described in regretful tones by well-meaning but misguided relatives as "maitim." So what?! That is a good thing!
  

• Newsflash: your very own coloring is BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT! Trust your Creator’s loving wisdom for having made you the way you are. I, for one, would find it infinitely boring if all of us were the color of rice with no ulam. Mabuhay ang kulay!
  

1. Select a shade of foundation that is as close to the natural color of your complexion as possible. There are even products now that allow you to dial to your perfect shade.
2. You may also mix foundations if you can’t find one that truly matches your skin tone.
3. In the US or Canada, have department store cosmetics counter “experts” help you try out their products. Some will even give you free samples to take home for a “test drive.” Then go outside and see if their recommended shades look invisible on your skin in natural sunlight. If not, go to someone else.  It’s free as long as you don’t let yourself be pressured into buying something before you’ve determined the best choice of foundation.
4. Determine whether your coloring is “cool” or “warm,” and choose make-up products accordingly, including blush, concealer, eye shadows, etc.
5. Your goal in using foundation is not to change your skin color. Why should you? It is only to even out your skin tone and create a clean, clear canvas on which to apply the rest of your make-up.
6. When you were young, you didn’t need it because your skin was naturally smooth and even. As we age, we get pimple scars, sun spots, fine lines, etc. Foundation and concealer help even things out. Not even Angelina Jolie goes to photo shoots and red carpet appearances without foundation and an hour or two in the make-up chair.
7. Remember that in the summer when we all get more sun exposure, you may have to go another shade darker to match your sun-kissed complexion (o di va?)
8. As a finishing touch, set your foundation, blush and other make-up with a translucent, slightly shimmery loose powder in a shade that is also closest to your skin tone. This will make your make-up last longer and give you a soft, diffused, finished look. Pat on evenly with a clean puff or sponge, or brush on lightly with a big clean soft brush all over your face.

4. Contouring and Highlighting. Many women tend to stop at foundation and think they’re done. Adding contours with either a light blush or bronzer (or a foundation that’s two or three shades darker than your skin) defines your features.

Highlighting plays up parts of your face while contouring allows other features to recede. Think of it as a work of art making effective use of light and shadow. It spells the difference between an Amorsolo and a page from a child’s coloring book.

The camera has a flattening effect that highlighting and contouring counteracts very effectively.

• Contouring and highlighting give your face dimension and definition in photographs as well as in person.

• Waste not, want not. If you have too-light or too-dark foundations lying around your vanity, use them for this purpose! Otherwise, use concealer that is a shade or two lighter than your skin as highlighter, and blush or bronzer that is just a couple of shades darker than your skin as contour powder. Using the appropriate brushes…

• Contour:

1. On temples and under cheekbones
2. Along the jaw line and under the chin (helps downplay any double chins) ;-)
3. Along the sides of your nose (even Oprah does this).

• Highlight:

1. Under eyebrows (on the brow bone), as described above
2. On the inner corners of eyes and under eyes
3. On top of cheek bones, optional
4. On the bridge of your nose from between brows down to the tip, between your nostrils
5. On the “parenthesis” lines on the sides of your nose going down to your mouth
6. Lightly around your lips

• Remember the cardinal rule of applying make-up: BLEND, BLEND, BLEND so that there are no distinct boundary lines where you’ve contoured, highlighted or applied shadow or blush.

5. Grooming habits. Not practicing age-appropriate grooming habits consistent with the changes in your face and body through the years can result in tell-tale signs of premature aging. This can include nose hairs visibly sticking out where they shouldn’t, a light moustache that we’re not supposed to have, dishpan hands, overgrown toe nails, cracked heels, etc.

• Reality check: aside from your eyebrows, your nose hairs, for example, grow faster and longer than before, once you hit 40. ;-)

1. Regularly check nose hair length and groom or trim accordingly with safe, ball- or round-tipped grooming scissors
2. Use a gentle depilatory to remove upper lip hairs if needed. Or periodically trim to the roots with those round-tipped grooming scissors.
3. Some have surmised that the hormones in the meat and poultry we eat are the main reason many women in the US have little moustaches! Try eating less meat (more fruit and veggies) or choosing grass-fed or organically grown meat and poultry whenever possible.
4. Whether at a nail salon or at home, invest a little time each week for grooming your fingernails and toe nails. If your teenage daughter is into manicures, get her to do yours. Offer to pay for her services so she has additional pocket money. It will probably be much more hygienic at home than at the salon.
5. The night before you plan to wear sandals, slides or step-ins, sling-backs, or peep-toe shoes, treat your feet to a good soaking in a basin or foot spa with warm water to which you’ve added a handful of baking soda. After your skin has softened, use a pumice stone and foot brush to rub away cracked skin on the toes, heels and soles of your feet. Then wash your feet with soap and clean water, rinsing well.
6. You can also use a specialized product such as Kerasal, if available in your area, to make it easy to exfoliate your feet.
7. Wipe well, drying between the toes, and immediately rub a generous amount of foot lotion or body lotion all over your feet. Do this before going to bed, and if desired, put on cotton socks to help soften your feet while you sleep.
8. To prevent or treat toe nail fungus or athlete’s foot, add a few drops of tea tree oil to your foot-soaking liquid, or after bathing, put a tiny drop of tea tree oil on each toe nail. It has an immediate drying effect so use just a tiny bit, or squeeze lotion into your palm, mix in a little tea tree oil and apply to feet, especially toes.

• Even men should add nose hair and eyebrow hair trimming to their grooming and shaving routine para naman they also look polished. In fact, they need to watch out for excessive ear hair growth, too. :-D Seriously!

1. In youth-oriented America where employers sometimes discriminate against older applicants, it’s perfectly okay to consider coloring men’s graying hair, too. Since Pinoy faces generally stay young-looking anyway, why not?
2. Example: an uncle of mine who started working in the US when he was in his late 50s colored his hair for years and didn’t look a day over 55 when he retired at age 70 last year! He felt as young as he looked. Still does.

6. Hair style. This is another area where many women are stuck in the past. Some still sport hair styles from their teens. Failing to update your hair style to account for changes in texture, thickness and color as well as status at work, and lifestyle, i.e. the time you have to care for it, also makes one look dated, lacking polish and older than necessary.

• Take time to consult a good hair stylist you trust, who will look at your hair, your face and ask about your lifestyle. Then, she or he can recommend a cut, color and style to fit your situation and enhance your looks.

• If such a consultation is not in your budget right now, find a church mate, relative or friend with these skills who will do this in exchange for something you can do for her or him.

7. Stained or yellowed teeth. Habitual coffee and black tea drinkers, smokers, etc. have yellowed or stained teeth that make one look older. Note: decaf coffee and tea stain less but have fewer healthy anti-oxidants. Laging may trade-off, ano?

• Remove tooth stains

1. Have your dentist or dental hygienist clean and polish your teeth every 6 months. If staining is severe, ask about whitening procedures. Of course, don’t forget other aspects of your dental health. Missing teeth is the ultimate sign of old age, ‘di ba?
2. Use a good, whitening toothpaste, but don’t overdo it. Brush for only 2 minutes at a time so as not to wear out your tooth enamel.
3. There are also relatively inexpensive over-the-counter (OTC) tooth whitening products available if your dentist’s whitening procedures are too pricey (dental insurance usually doesn’t cover cosmetic procedures like this---only standard cleaning and prophylaxis).

8. No time for make-up. Most young women don’t need make-up. But aging changes this happy circumstance. In your 40s and 50s, make-up helps keep you confident and happy about how you look. Trust me: when you look good, you feel good about yourself. And when Mama is happy, everyone is happy! Conversely, when Mama “ain’t” happy, NO ONE is happy.
:-D (Nagpapakatotoo lang). In any workplace, especially in North America, self-confidence is vital to one’s success. If you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will.

• Make-up needn’t take over your life.

1. Have a “5-minute face” routine for days when you are in a rush.
2. Have a full make-up routine for special occasions and photo opportunities (like weddings, nights out, big events at work, church, etc.). It’s worth getting up early to do! Besides you and your loved ones and descendants will be looking at those photos for years to come. Do yourself and them a favor. ;-)
3. Future posts will include both 5-minute and full make-up routines.

9. Your True Colors. Each person’s coloring is unique, and there are colors of clothing and accessories that either flatter you or make you look pale and sickly.
Wearing the right colors always makes you look radiant and healthy.

One sign that you are wearing the right colors is if you consistently get compliments when you’re wearing certain clothes. Conversely, the lack of compliments for other parts of your wardrobe should tell you something.

A lot of women love pastel colored clothes. If you look good in these and get compliments, wear them. If not, it’s time to get rid of the granny look and find your best colors!

• Check out the book, Color Me Beautiful from your local library to get a grasp of this concept. Or simply hold up different solid colors to your face and see what makes you look either radiant or washed out. Have a friend or relative help you assess which colors flatter you the most. Get confirmation from other people.

• Examples:

1. If black and pure white look good on you, so will cool, light, bright colors or jewel tones. Avoid muddy colors or prints with too much brown in it. Bright blues, purple and silver may work well for you, too.
2. If warm rust and mustard colors make you look great and black makes you look pale and ill, try gold, tomato red, spring green, teal and mocha, instead.
3. The most important color choices are the ones worn close to your face. For instance, if you’re wearing a black business suit, a scarf in your best colors around your neck will still make you look good.
4. Experiment and see how people respond to the colors you wear. You’ll be surprised.

10. Clothing silhouettes for your body shape. Depending on how you are built, there are clothing silhouettes that will enhance and play up your best features.
Some women think that just because they’re older, they have to “dress old” and start wearing frumpy, dowdy clothes. Dressing age-appropriately doesn’t mean giving up on having style.
The truly important issue is how you see yourself.

Hollywood and TV stars are forced to be thin, sometimes to an unhealthy level, because the camera adds 10 pounds right off the bat.

This doesn’t have to concern those of us who don’t make a living behind the cameras. You are uniquely beautiful in your own right. Your body is a gift from God. Love yourself for who you are this very minute in honor of your Creator. Whatever your size or shape, you can look good and feel good about yourself, especially when you wear the right kind of clothes that balance out and flatter your figure.

• Look at yourself in a full-length mirror with appreciation for what you have right here and now and love for what God gave you! You won’t be able to love others truly if you hate yourself. I repeat: you, my sister, are BEAUTIFUL inside and out! This whole exercise is intended to make your outside consistent with your inner beauty.

1. Assess your proportions and see what types of dress, jacket or blazer, pants and skirt cuts flatter your figure. We are going for balance here.

For example, if you are tall and slim with only subtle curves…

1. Try on tops with ruffles or ruching and straight-cut or wide-leg pants (whether jeans or dress pants) with lines going from your bottom straight down to your heels. (Tapered pants flatter very few women, to be honest). You might look good in boot cut pants, too. Try them out.

• If, like me, you are shorter and are more rounded on the abdomen…

1. Empire (pronounced AHM-peer) cuts with perhaps a band or seaming cinching the narrowest part of your torso, with fabric falling away from it and skimming over the bilbil will look fabulous on you.
2. Go for skirt or dress lengths just at the knee. No peasant skirts, please, since these just make you look shorter and dumpier.
3. Tailored tops or jackets with seams running down from shoulders or busts to the hem will give you a streamlined, slimmer look.
4. A peplum will help create the look of an hour-glass waist.
5. Straight-cut or wide-leg pants also work well.
6. Make sure your pants are not too short.
7. Avoid elastic waist bands and tapered pants with pleated waists. These look dumpy on petite women.
8. Go for smooth lines, fabrics that fall straight down and aren’t too clingy or lumpy.
9. Try one-color sheath or A-line dresses that just skim the belly instead of clinging to every curve of your bilbil. ;-). If you like, pair it with a complementing blazer or jacket that flares at the waist or has seaming from shoulder to hem or bust to hem for a stylish look.

• Footwear

1. Wear shoes with pointy toes (there are wider, more comfortable shoes that still have pointy toes. You just need to find them).
2. Especially for petite women, steer clear of square or rounded toes, clunky heels and chunky slides with wide bands cutting across your feet. These visually cut short your leg line.
3. Please go for feminine styles and details! Leave the hiking shoes and steel-toed work boots to the men. Huwag na silang kumpetensiyahin o agawan. ;-)
4. For ladies in cooler climates, there are dozens of classy leather boot styles with enough room for your feet, but with pointed toes pa rin.
5. Invest in a pair of good quality leather pumps with a slim, moderately high heel for business meetings and job interviews. Remember to clean and shine those shoes! Wear with stockings that look invisible on your legs.

• REMEMBER: keep trying on clothes until you find ones that fit you perfectly! Don’t settle for things that only fit one part of your body. Many department stores have alteration services. Use it! Have them hem your pants to the perfect length for your legs and shoes, or make blazers fit your torso better if its shoulders are exactly the right width. Never underestimate the importance of properly fitting clothes.

• There are many resources online for selecting clothes and shoes to fit your specific body type. For ideas, watch “What Not To Wear” on TLC (cable TV network) or check out their web site.

11. Accessories. Shoes, handbag or purse, jewelry, scarves, etc. Attention to detail can make or break an outfit and the impression you wish to create with a client or at a job interview.

• Looking polished means investing in just a few coordinating (not necessarily exactly matching) pieces that go well with your outfits.

• Think in terms of mixing pieces of clothing in coordinating colors but with varying weights and textures to come up with several stylish outfits. Then choose jewelry or scarf, bag and shoes to complement your look in a way that’s appropriate to the occasion you’re attending.

• REMEMBER: it is passé for all your accessories to be the same color and material. Coordinate and complement rather than trying to match every accessory perfectly. You’ll look more chic.

• Have a stylish Mommy outfit, a special date night or gala event outfit, and several work outfits that go together quickly in keeping with your busy schedule.

• Purge your closet of unused and unflattering clothes. Give them away. You save time when every item of clothing in your closet or aparador is something you use regularly, look and feel good wearing, and which will go with several other items to form chic outfits.

• MONEY-SAVING TIP: check out thrift stores for lightly used designer clothes, bags and other accessories. But even if it’s cheap, don’t buy it if it doesn’t suit you.

12. Lifestyle, diet and exercise. You take care of your husband and children. If you want to be around to support them for a long time, you need to take care of yourself, too. Balance is key. Everyone in the family should have their needs met, including you!

• Take time to reflect, breathe deeply, stretch, exercise, eat healthy and listen to your body. A beloved woman I know died of cancer that was diagnosed too late because she dismissed her pain as unimportant and didn’t care for herself as well as she took care of her husband. I have to remind myself of this as well.

We Pinays are expert in making sacrifices as Mga Dakilang Ina. However, we also need to invest in our own happiness and well-being because let’s be honest: few husbands and children know how to do that for us. Look at it this way---when you look and feel good, your husband will feel good about himself and your marriage, too. The kids will be happier as well.

13. It’s a process, part of the Tawid Kultura journey. The secret to looking put-together and polished is to keep trying outfits, beauty regimens and looks until you find the best ones for you. Many women give up all too soon if they don’t find clothes or looks that fit them right away.

• Trust the process and make it a fun experience by having a family member or friend who has a good eye help you find your best clothes, make-up and shoes. It may take a few weekends, but you’ll get there!